Arnold's Corpse Bride
by aubzdall
Summary: Arnold's getting ready to marry Lila Sawyer, but when he runs out of the rehearsal he runs into the woods to practice his vows. However, when he finally gets them right, he wishes he hadn't. [This story is basically Tim Burton's Corpse Bride starring the Hey Arnold cast and with a few of my own little twists. Happy Halloween friends!]
1. Chapter 1: Into The Woods

"Oh Elsie, I'm ever so certain that it'll be a wonderful wedding." young Lady Sawyer smiled at her servant through her reflection as her corset was tugged and pulled tight.

"And why wouldn't it be?"

Lila beamed when she saw her father, "Oh father, I'm just ever so excited."

"And if this Shortman boy knows what's good for him, he will be too." her father crossed the distance and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now, hurry up. They'll be here any moment."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Arnold dashed through his house and jumped into the carriage where his parents were waiting for him.

"Arnold, sweetie, you're cutting it awfully close." his mother said with a soft laugh, combing his hair back with her fingers.

Arnold wrinkled his nose, but allowed her to fix his hair, despite the fact he liked it much better when his hair was messy.

"Well you've really hooked a good one, now you've just got to reel her in." his father said enthusiastically.

Arnold swallowed a lump in his throat. "I'm already reeling, dad." he stuttered. He'd always liked Lila, ever since they were children. She was kind, pretty, and sweet. Everything he could ever want in a wife. He could hardly believe that he'd actually be marrying her at the end of the week. "Shouldn't Lila be marrying a…a Lord or something though?"

Stella and Miles looked at each other cautiously. The only reason that Lila's father had agreed to marrying her off was because he was getting a generous sum of money in exchange for her hand. "Titles aren't everything, son." Miles said at last.

At last, they arrived at the Sawyer estate and Arnold's nerves hadn't calmed at all. If anything, they ran even more amuck once he saw Lila and her father there for the wedding rehearsal. There weren't many people, to Arnold's relief, but there were still enough unfamiliar faces to make the nerves all the more apparent. Lila's mother had died long ago so representing her family was her father and a dear old friend of hers named Olga, who was already weeping hysterically.

"Hello Arnold." Lila greeted him warmly.

"Hello, Lady Sawyer." Arnold replied sheepishly.

Lila giggled, "I'm ever so certain that since we're getting married on Saturday it would probably be best if you just called me Lila."

"Right…Lila." He corrected himself, smiling at her.

"Are you ready for the rehearsal?" She asked sweetly.

"Um…yeah, as much as I'm ever going to be." He chuckled uncomfortably.

"What're we waiting for?" Olga said happily, dragging Lila towards the drawing room where the rehearsal would take place. "Let's get started! It's going to be a glorious wedding."

"Ever so glorious!" Lila agreed happily. "Are you coming, Arnold?"

Arnold swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded before following the rest of the crowd.

_Three Hours Later_

"Master Shortman." The priest snapped. "Let's take it from the beginning…a_gain_."

Arnold could have sworn that he shrunk a few inches at the priest's words. His mother was sleeping on his father's shoulder and his father looked bored enough to fall asleep himself. Lila's father was scowling, his patience run out. The only one who still had a smile on their face was Olga.

Arnold cleared his throat. "With this candle." he placed his candle against a flame, but it didn't accept the fire. "This candle." He repeated, a note of desperation in his voice. His dismay grew when the candle didn't light again. "This candle."

Arnold glanced over his shoulder when Lila's father started grumbling. He only looked back when the priest cleared his throat, indicating that the candle was now lit. Arnold grinned, "With this candle." his voice rang with confidence and he chuckled lightly, only to extinguish the flame again. He was about tobegin again when the priest stopped him.

The door rang and Lord Sawyer listlessly ordered the butler to go and answer it.

"A lord Wolfgang, sir." the butler stated once he returned.

"I don't have a head for dates. I'm apparently a day early for the ceremony." Lord Wolfgang stated cooly.

Lord Sawyer stared at Wolfgang, unable to recall if he was from his side or his departed wife's before he ordered a chair be brought in for him. Lila and Arnold stared at him from the alter, neither of them aware of who this newcomer was. "Carry on." Wolfgang said dully.

"Let's just pick it up after the candle bit." The priest growled.

"Yes, of course." Arnold said, holding up his left hand and swallowing a lump in his throat.

"Right." The priest hissed.

"Right." Arnold agreed full-hearted before he realized the priest was informing him that he was holding up the wrong hand. He quickly switched before cautiously taking Lila's hand into his own. "With this hand I will-" Arnold collided with the table after taking four steps forward with his fiancée rather than three.

The pastor's patience had run out. "Three steps! Three! Can you not count? Do you not wish to be married?"

"No no!" Arnold protested, waving his hands manically in front of him.

"You do not?" Lila asked, trying to not show the hurt in her voice.

"No!" Arnold declared, "I do not not wish to be married, that is I wish to be married very much."

"Pay attention!" The pastor exclaimed, striking Arnold on the head with his cane. "Have you even brought the ring?"

"The ring? Yes I have it right here." Arnold smiled sheepishly as he held the wedding band up. His nerves made him shake and the ring slipped from his grip and onto the ground. The pastor exclaimed in an outrage that since he'd dropped the ring Arnold didn't want to get married and to his embarassment, Olga sprang up and screamed when his hand snaked under her dress to collect the ring. "Got it!" He said with a smile before he realized all that had happened.

"Young man." The pastor said darkly, stepping around the alter and towering over the cowering groom-to-be. "This wedding cannot proceed until you have properly prepared. Learn. Your. Vows."

Arnold felt like his stomach was tying into knots and he did the only thing he could think to do. He stumbled backwards into the door and groped for the knob before running from the mannor as fast as he could.

Wolfgang laughed coldly. "He's quite the catch, isn't he?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Arnold sighed as he walked through the woods. He needed to get as far away from the wedding rehearsal as he could.

"It really shouldn't be so hard. It's just a few simple vows." He sighed to himself as he walked. "With this hand I shall take your wine…no." He walked for a few moments more before trying again. "With this hand I shall cup your…" He stopped himself when he realized his hands were held closely to his chest. He blushed and shook his head. "Oh heavens, no."

He tried and he tried and he walked and he walked until finally he reached an area of the woods where he'd never been. Finally, he steeled himself and began reciting his vows. "With this hand, I shall lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine." He smiled at his audience of trees, bushes, and shrubs in the darkness, thrilled that he had at last gotten some of it right. He pressed on. "With this candle, I will light your way in darkness." He spotted a dead branch that looked strikingly similar to a human hand and knelt beside it. "With this ring…I ask you to be mine." He placed the wedding band on one of the fingers of the hand-like branch and grinned. He was ready.

But not for what happened next. The wind picked up and in a loud flutter, a flock of crows crowded the trees around the clearing he'd been standing in. He swallowed a lump in his throat and stood to leave, but was suddenly unable to do so due to the strong grip around his wrist. It dragged his arm into the earth and he screamed, trying to pull away. He managed to get his arm out of the dirt and stared in horror as what he had thought to be a branch better exposed itself, revealing a skeleton arm, with his wedding band neatly placed around the ring finger. Its grip hardened and he shouted again, finally managing to free himself from what was trying to pull him into the earth, but not the undead arm. He stammered and yanked until his arm was free and threw the deceased limb in time to see the rest of the body claw its way out of the grave. He stared in awe and horror as the corpse stood, donning a tattered wedding gown that clung to its-or her- curves, a veil covering her face. With her attached arm, she pulled the veil off of her face and smiled at him. "I do."

She was lovely -for a corpse at least- with big blue eyes, a breath taking smile, and long blond hair that hung down her back in loose waves. This didn't ease Arnold's panic though. He screamed and ran, praying and hoping that it was all nothing more than a dream and begging himself to wake up. He ran and looked over his shoulder every now and then, hoping she'd be gone, but she was still there, following him with her veil and gown billowing eerily behind her. The crows followed him as well and he didn't stop until he reached the bridge by the church. When he turned to look back at the woods, she wasn't there. He heaved a sigh of relief, but when he turned around she was right behind him, making him shout and leap back.

"YOu may kiss the bride." She said with a coy smile, placing her hands upon his chest before leaning in and placing her lips against his.

Arnold's heart raced and his world turned black.

**Happy Halloween to all of my fan follower peoples! I thought I'd start this to get in a festive mood, even though I've got plenty of other stories I need to work on, but this idea has been driving me nuts for a while. I hope you liked the start of it. Review and let me know what ya think. Love ya. **


	2. Chapter 2: The Newlyweds

Arnold blinked a few times and his surroundings became clearer. There was music and laughter and voices.

"He must have fainted." Arnold squinted as a pair of hands lifted his head off of the ground. "Are you alright?"

He gasped and jumped up onto his feet when he recognized the woman concerned for his welfare. He tried to steady his breathing, but it wasn't a simple task with skeletons, severed heads, and cadavers filling the tavern he was in. Including the insane dead woman who had chased him through the woods.

"I think we've got a breather." A skeleton in a red velvet suit with a black pencil mustache said, aghast.

The skeleton of a young boy poked and prodded his belly. "He's still soft!"

"A toast! To the newlyweds!" a small man grinned a skeleton grin before downing a pint of unsettling green liquid.

"Newlyweds?" Arnold asked, dumbfounded.

The blonde corpse beamed and spun around him. "In the woods you said your vows just _perfectly_." she showed him the ring- _his_ ring- on her left bony finger and smiled joyfully at him.

"I did?" He asked in disbelief before he realized, "I did!" He slapped himself across the face, making his wife jump back in surprised. "Wake up, Arnold! Wake up!"

She approached him cautiously, "It's really nothing to get worked up about."

He backed into the small cadaver that had given the toast and he was finally seized the sword in his back. "Get back!" He cried. "I have a….I have a dwarf and I'm not afraid to use him. Now I want questions!"

"I think you mean answers." The dwarf offered, seemingly unaffected by the fact that he was being used as a weapon.

"Yes, thank you, I want answers." he corrected himself.

His bride frowned at him before she snatched the sword out of his hand and put the dead dwarf back on the ground, "Criminy, you're making a fool of yourself. Calm down." she stated crassly.

"I'm not going to calm down." Arnold declared, taking a step from her. "Who are you?"

She began to retort, but stopped herself, heaving a shallow breath. "That's kind of a long story."

"Ah, but what a story it is." Arnold and the other occupants of the tavern turned to the stage where the speaker stood. He was dead, just like everyone else, with dark skin, curly black hair, and he was missing an eye. Despite all this, however, he was still as charming and handsome as ever. "A tragic tale of greed, independence…and a murder most foul."

"Who's that?" Arnold asked, suddenly more curious than he was frightened.

"That's Gerald." Arnold's bride answered, linking her arm through his.

The tavern filled with quiet as Gerald began to speak, "Not so very long ago, there was a girl. We all know and love this girl with all our hearts…as the Corpse Bride." A ring of approval swept across the tavern and Arnold's wife laughed lightly as a skeleton and another corpse lifted her high over their heads before carrying her to the stage and depositing her next to Gerald. "Now our girl, she had a family who was loaded up to their ears in cash, but the material things, they just weren't her thing. She was known for miles and miles around as the wonderful musician she is with an unearthly talent for the written word. But her mama and daddy, they knew she wouldn't be young forever so they arranged a marriage. A marriage between her and a fella she never really liked. A fella who was always hanging over her shoulder and that on more than one occasion, she socked right in the face. Needless to say, our girl did not love this boy her parents set her up with, but what could she do? But as she was getting ready, another fella came onto the scene. He wasn't so bad to look at, but our girl, she knew he wasn't her type. Still, he agreed to help her out of her unwanted union. So, on the night of her wedding, she stole a small fortune from her parents and waited for her unsung hero, still dressed in her wedding dress. And then…she waited. After a while she saw a man emerge from the shadows. In excitement and glee, her heart pounded. She was about to be free of a loveless marriage, free to be her own woman, free to roam the world as she saw fit. But…it wasn't meant to be. The man came alright. He came and he laid our girl low! So low that when she woke up her heart…it wasn't beating no more. Her family jewels, all gone like the tides! And so our girl made a vow to herself. That she wouldn't leave her grave be until her wedding dress got put to good use. She waited and then this here young man stepped up and took on our wild and wonderful corpse bride!"

Arnold swallowed a lump in his throat when corpses began cheering, either for him or Gerald or both, he didn't know. One thing was certain, her story was sad. But she seemed so happy. She laughed and applauded the storyteller before curtsying herself. He didn't know how he'd managed to sneak out of the tavern, but he was ashamed of the frown on her face when she saw him leaving.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here, I've got to get out of here." Arnold said to himself over and over as he ran through the deceased streets. There was a shop for severed limbs and he nearly tossed his cookies. He ran and ran, but there was no sign of him being followed. Honestly…that's what scared him the most.

He ran into a dead end and breathed heavily before beginning to climb. "Don't look back, get the heck out of here." He began chanting as he climbed. He reached the top and froze when he found himself face to face with the corpse bride. She was laying on her stomach and smiling at him. He lost his grip and was certain he was going to fall to his death, but she caught him by the cravat and helped him climb onto the top platform. "You could have used the stairs, ya know." she chuckled.

He dusted himself off and stared at her, unsure of what to say and completely terrified. "What? Do I have something on my face?" she asked, suddenly moving her hands onto her sunken skin.

"No, no, nothing." Arnold insisted.

She smiled and took his hand, "Well good. Come on, I have a wedding present for you."

He refused to move, causing her to stare at him in confusion. "I don't…I don't think that's necessary. I'm sorry for what's happened to you, but I've got to be getting home."

Her brow furrowed, "But this is your home now." She stated, crossing her arms over her chest. "I mean, we are married now."

"But I…" He paused before swallowing a lump in his throat. "I don't even know your name."

"Oh." If her blood had been pumping it probably would have rushed into her cheeks. "It's Helga."

"Helga." He repeated nodding to himself.

After a few seconds of silence, she finally grinned and seized his arm again, "Come on, your wedding present is waiting."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"It's really…_really_ not necessary." Arnold said for what must have been the hundredth time as Helga led him into through the streets.

She stopped in front of a flat and shook her head, "I don't care that you didn't get me anything, I want to do this for you."

"_If you want to do something for me you can get me back to Lila."_ He thought to himself, ashamed at the spite in his mind. He followed her inside reluctantly.

"Who's there?" A strangled, but familiar voice rang out.

"It's me, Helga." She replied, smiling at Arnold. He tried to return the gesture, but came up short.

His skin became cold when a pair of corpses stumbled into the doorway. One was a man and one was a woman, and there was something eerily familiar about them. The man stepped forward and scrutinized him before slowly saying, "…Shortman?"

Arnold's jaw dropped, "Grandpa?"

A pig's skeleton trotted under Helga's dress, making her laugh, before jumping up on Arnold's legs.

"Abner?" Arnold exclaimed.

Helga leaned against the wall and smiled as Arnold embraced his grandparents and scratched the back of his pet pig's neck. It was stupid, she knew it was, but she was already madly in love with him. Just seeing him laugh made her world light up. If her heart were beating it would have raced at his joy. In their reunion, Helga was forgotten, but she didn't mind. While Arnold was trapped in his grandparents' arms Abner trotted over to her and she giggled as she scratched under his chin, never taking her eyes from Arnold, Phil, and Gerdie.

**I know it's still a lot like the movie, but I've got some twists up my sleeve. Probably not in the next chapter, but for sure the one after that. I hope ya'll liked it. Don't forget to review!**


	3. Chapter 3: Haunting

Arnold reminisced with his grandparents for what feltl like days, but was really only an hour. Helga had left, where to he wasn't sure, but his grandmother and grandfather seemed particularly fond of her. Once they'd gotten to talking his grandpa had playfully winked at him, informing him that he'd picked a good one. Shortly after his grandmother began praising his corpse bride. He wasn't sure how to inform his grandparents that he wasn't married to Helga -at least he didn't think he was- so he smiled and nodded along. Still, she couldn't have been bad if his grandparents liked her.

He finally asked where Helga had gone to and Gerdie and Phil both shrugged, indicating that they didn't know. A squeal caught his attention and Abner -or Abner's skeleton- nudged Arnold's leg before trotting up the stairs. Arnold smiled, a strong wave of nostalgia brushing over him as he ran after the pig. Abner led him to the roof, and straight to Helga. She was leaning against the wall, staring at the view. The pig ran around her feet and she laughed before leaning down to scratch his skull. "Hey there cutie."

"You should have seen him with skin." Arnold chuckled.

She glanced up at him and smiled before kneeling down, letting Abner climb onto her lap and settle down, resting his head on her knees. "Did you have fun with your grandparents?"

He nodded, "Thank you for that."

She shrugged, "It's no big deal. I mean none of my family is here so I guess I thought you'd like to see them."

He furrowed a brow and sat beside her, "None of your family is here?"

She shrugged, "Well _my _grandparents are all dead, but I never met any of them and they're buried…well I honestly have no idea. My parents and sister are all still alive though. What about yours?"

He smirked, "My mom and dad are still alive."

She smiled at him as she gently took Abner off her lap and placed him on the ground. "Well you're lucky that you'll never have to meet mine."

He smirked, "Huh." He paused, realizing…"Actually…I think I should meet them." He stated, "And you should meet mine."

Helga frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, "Arnold, it's sweet, but it's not that easy. I mean it's not like we just have an elevator that goes from the land of the dead to the land of the living."

He frowned, but Abner began snorting as he pawwed at the ground. Helga perked up as if she understood the dead pig just as well as she understood her living groom. "That's a great idea, Abner! It'll be sort of like a honeymoon."

"What're you talking about?" Arnold asked skeptically.

Helga got onto her feet with a mischievous smile on her face. "The elder." Was the only answer she gave.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Arnold swallowed a lump in his throat as he followed his bride up the rickety old creaking staircase. This was crazy. Utter madness. There wasn't anything in this tower. Nothing but bottles filled with eerily bright liquids and hundreds upon hundreds of books. There were no skeletons or cadavers. What good would books do them here?

"Elder?" his corpse bride called out once they neared the top of the tower. There was no answer and Arnold only grew more uneasy. "Elder?" Helga repeated after a while.

"Why must you call me 'Elder'?" a small dead girl popped out of a pile of books behind them, nearly making Arnold jump straight into the arms of his dead bride. The girl was pretty enough for a corpse with tight blue skin clinging to her bones, short black hair in a messy bun off her face, and thick blue glasses framing her sunken almond eyes.

Helga smiled. "Dramatic effect. This is my husband, Arnold. Arnold, this is Phoebe, the Elder."

Phoebe huffed and rolled her eyes, "I'm only called the Elder because I know more than everyone else and I've taken my time in the afterlife to further my knowledge rather than drink and party it away.

"I"ve seen you down there with Gerald." Helga said teasingly. "You've got fun and games in you too and you know it."

Phoebe rolled her eyes and sighed, "I'm a bit busy, Helga, did you need anything?"

"We want to go…upstairs." Helga admitted cautiously.

Phoebe cocked her head to the side, "But…why? Everything up there is coming down here sooner or later anyways."

"Arnold thought we should meet each other's parents." Helga stated, "Come one, Pheebs, you know everything there is to know about haunting and stuff like that."

Phoebe frowned, "Well…alright."

Arnold and Helga watched intently as Phoebe thumbed through the pages of a book almost as large as she was, then she mixed together some ingredients before leaning forward to sprinkle the powder over their heads. "Remember, if you want to come back just say 'ice cream'."

"Ice cream?" Helga giggled.

Phoebe nodded and poured the powder over their heads. "That's right."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Arnold's been gone just ever so long." Lila said, concern in her voice as she sat beside the fire, her hands laced with Olga's for reassurance. "I do hope he's alright."

"Our boy knows how to take care of himself." Miles said confidently. "I'm sure he's just trying to clear his head and get his vows right."

"Well I don't like it." Olga muttered. "It just…isn't right."

"What do you mean it 'isn't right'?" Lord Sawyer asked skeptically.

Olga glanced around the room, unsure of if she should tell the story or not. "Well…I don't want to put a damper on the evening." She said cautiously.

"I'm ever so certain that you're more than welcome to speak your mind." Lila assured her friend with a pat on her leg.

Olga sighed, "Well it's just that…my baby sister ran off like this before she got married. We've never heard from her again. She could be dead for all we know."

"That wouldn't happen to Arnold", Stella insisted kindly.

Lila pulled Olga into a tight embrace, "Oh Olga I'm just ever so sorry that that happened to you."

"Well they boy had better get here soon." Lord Sawyer sighed, "I'm about ready for bed."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Helga laughed once the spell had done it's work. "My gosh Arnold look at the sky! It's so…beautiful. I've been dead for a while so…I guess I missed it."

She was about to start giggling and prancing around, but Arnold seized her arm before she could get too far. "My parents live nearby so I'm going to go ahead and tell them the good news."

She smiled and sat down on a protruding tree root. "Alright."

He felt bad lying to her, but he didn't have many other options. "I'll be right back."

"Ok." She said, her smile fading.

Heaving a sigh, Arnold ignored the numbness in his feet and ran as fast as he could until he reached Lila's house.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Everyone looked up when the door slammed open. "Arnold!" They all exclaimed, Lila jumping onto her feet and running to give him a firm embrace. "Are you alright?"

"We've all been worried sick!" Miles exclaimed.

Arnold tried to answer them, he truly did, but he couldn't quite find the words. The words that would tell what had happened to him, and at the same time not make him sound like a complete lunatic.

"You're freezing." Lila looked sick with worry, "Come, sit by the fire."

He nodded and graciously accepted the cup of tea that was placed in his hand and the blanket the was draped over his shoulder. He tried to find the words. There were no words. No matter how he would put the tale he would always sound madder than a hatter.

"I'm married." he was finally able to blurt out.

Lila chuckled lightly, "No, not until the end of the week."

"No!" Arnold exclaimed, dropping his tea and jumping onto his feet. "I got…married. At least I…I think I did. I don't know!"

"Son, calm down." Miles said, reassuringly.

"You probably just dozed off and had a dream." Stella added, trying to be as comforting as possible.

"I think your fiancé went crazy." Olga muttered to Lila who frowned, but couldn't find it in her to nod in agreement, despite the fact that Arnold was indeed acting crazy.

"I'm not crazy!" Arnold exclaimed.

The front door creaked open and Arnold's blood froze. She didn't follow him, did she? Footsteps echoed through the hall until the drawing room's doors opened again. "Arnold I just wanted to…" Helga stopped, dead in her tracks. Her eyes fell upon Arnold, who's hand was still in Lila's gentle grasp. She scowled and put her fists on her hips. "Who's this?" she snarled.

"Arnold, who's she?" Lila asked, unable to fully shut her mouth. This couldn't have been happening.

"_I'm_ his wife." Helga spat, holding up her hand to reveal her finger.

Everyone gasped and turned to stare at Arnold. Everyone save for Olga.

"Helga?" Olga asked, carefully inching forward. "Is that…you?"

"Olga?" Helga blinked in shock at seeing her sister again. "What are you doing here?"

Olga burst into tears before anyone could say anything, "Baby sister, you aren't really dead are you?" she wailed.

"Yeah, I'm dead as a doornail." Helga deadpanned before turning back to Arnold, her leer darker than ever, "What the hell is going on?"

"Yes, Arnold, what _is _going on?" Miles asked, finally able to form words.

"Guys, I don't even think I really am married to her." Arnold exclaimed.

"Oh excuse you but yes you _are _married to me." Helga snarled.

He ignored her and seized her bony arm before waving it around, "She's dead! See?"

She yanked her arm free and glared at him before placing a death grip around one of his wrists. "Ice cream." she said in a furious whisper. That was all it took. He tried to pry his arm free, but it was of no use. He called for help, but he and Helga were already crashing into the world of the dead before anyone could help him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"You…" Helga thought for a moment, trying to find a good word to describe him once they were back in Phoebe's tower. "Bitch!" she shouted at last, unwilling to sully her tongue with more foul language. Phoebe looked up from her tower of books to watch the newlyweds bicker. "You _lied _to me just to get back to that ginger miss perfect pants! I went to the land of the living for _you_ to just get back with that other woman behind my back!"

He jumped back when she shouted and knocked over a pile of books in a rage.

"You're the other woman, Helga." He chided. "Not Lila."

She spun around and held her left ring finger close to his face, "You're married to _me_. _She _is the other woman."

Helga started fuming and storming back and forth.

"She has a point." Phoebe said with a shrug.

Arnold heaved a sigh and steeled his nerves before gently touching Helga's shoulder, making her stop, "Look, Helga, I'm sorry, but this just can't work."

"You haven't even made an effort yet, how would you know?" she snarled.

"We're just…too different." Arnold said cautiously. "I mean, you're dead."

She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at him, "You should have thought of _that _before you asked me to marry you."

He groaned and sighed, exasperated, "Don't you get it? It was a mistake! I'd never marry you!"

Arnold regretted the words once they left his mouth. He hadn't meant it the way it sounded, but the words had already been spoken. The hurt shone brightly, but briefly in her eyes. He opened his mouth to apologize, but before he could she shoved her bouquet of blue and pale pink flowers into his hand and stormed down the tower.

He started to go after her, but Phoebe stopped him before he could saying, "If you're going to be a total jerk then the least you could do is give her some time to cool off."

She glared at him before burying herself in her book again. He heaved a sigh and slowly descended the tower. Helga had been nothing but kind to him. Overzealous and obnoxiously passionate, perhaps, but kind. She'd taken him to see his grandparents and pet pig for the first time since he was a child and there was nothing he could ever do to show how grateful he was for that alone and in return he had lied to her and deeply insulted her. He wished she would cool down enough for him to apologize and get this guilt off his chest as soon as possible Still, he couldn't help but feel like he deserved the guilt, and she deserved better.

**Ok I know it's still pretty close to the original story, but next chapter is gonna have a twist or two, I promise. Oh, and for the people freaking out because in the movie the Corpse Bride doesn't end up with the groom…I know. Please calm down. My stories always have twists to them, but as far as if he ends up with Helga or Lila I dunno. Arnold and Helga is my ultimate OTP, but it would be a challenge to give an ending to the Linold shippers out there. I don't know what it's gonna be, but in any case it's gonna be a surprise. Thanks for following and reviewing, guys. It always makes me really really excited to get reviews so keep 'em coming. Love yall. **


	4. Chapter 4: Head Wack

Arnold entered the tavern where he had first come to in the land of the dead, hoping to find Helga there, or at least someone who could help him find Helga. He'd found himself wandering aimlessly around the deceased streets, never letting go of her boquette of pink roses and blue carnations, littered with yellowing baby's breath. He figured that she deserved to have it back, assuming she still wanted it. He had heard that many brides were most sentimental about their flowers from the wedding. He didn't know Helga well enough to know if she was one of those brides, but he decided it was best to be safe than to be sorry.

He heaved a sigh and sat at the piano, listlessly playing a few keys on the instrument. He wasn't a skilled pianist anymore. He hadn't gotten any lessons after his grandmother had died. His mother and father decided to distract him from their absence with activities that didn't remind him of them so much. He had learned martial arts, fishing, and eventually everything he loved as a child. In the end, this left him with a handful of art classes.

A clatter of glasses being placed on the bar caught his attention and he spun around to see Gerald cleaning the sullied cups. The corpse smiled, "Oh you're in trouble boy."

Arnold winced, "You know?"

Gerald chuckled, "Your witness happened to be your wife's best friend, who is insanely ruthless from time to time. _Everybody _knows."

He sighed and slammed his head against the keyboard with a clamor of inharmonic notes coinciding with the thud caused by his skull. "I just want to find her an apologize. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings."

Gerald came around the bar and stationed himself in a seat near Arnold, "But did you mean it when you said you'd never marry her?"

Arnold turned to face Gerald, a scowl on his face. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how _did _you mean it?" Gerald pressed.

Arnold exhaled, trying to find a way to explain himself without digging himself in a deeper hole. "It's just that she's dead. I mean _everyone_ here is dead. _You're _dead."

"What gave it away?" Gerald asked sarcastically, waving one of his decayed hands in front of his face.

"Well I'm _not _dead." Arnold continued as if he hadn't heard him.

Gerald shrugged, "So what? You will be someday."

"But Helga and I don't even really know each other!" Arnold exclaimed.

"Did you ever really give her a chance?" Gerald challenged gently.

Arnold frowned, fully knowing the answer. "No. It's just…a really complicated situation. And it would be nice to talk to Helga about it, but I can't find her anywhere. Or _anyone_ anywhere."

"You found me." Gerald said with a grin.

Arnold propped his chin up on his palm. "Yeah, but it's not like you're going to tell me where she is."

"Actually, if you're telling the truth then I'll gladly take you right to her." Gerald said, moving to get up.

Arnold's jaw dropped and a smile began forming. "Truly? Oh thank you! Thank you, sir!"

The corpse smiled, "Just call me Gerald."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"What in the world _is _this?" Arnold asked, aghast as he watched the horrid display.

Gerald chortled, "I keep forgetting you're new here. It's just head wack."

Arnold swallowed a lump in his throat as he watched corpse after corpse strike the pitcher's dismembered head with a bat before dashing to each point of the diamond they played on, occasionally getting tagged with said head and getting sent back to their team. "What is it?"

Gerald chuckled and began explaining the game. Arnold listened intently and found that the game was easy enough to understand. When Arnold asked Gerald if he would remove his head, Gerald jumped back and declared that he would do no such thing. "My head is still snug on my shoulders and until it falls off it's gonna stay that way. Just because you're dead that doesn't mean you go around purposely ripping your head off. Head wack started off as a game just for fellas that got screwed over by a guillitine or were unlucky enough to get decapitated in some other way. Everyone else just joined in because it was fun."

Arnold nodded, "It does seem…interesting." His mind was elsewhere, combing the mass of cadavers for Helga.

"She's up to bat." Gerald stated calmly, just as if he had read Arnold's mind. Arnold followed Gerald's gaze and his hope vanished when his new friend laughed, "It looks like your lovely bride is still pretty mad."

Before Arnold could reply, the head was pitched and Helga managed to knock it out of the park, a scowl never leaving her face the whole time.

"Hop to it, lover boy." Gerald said jokingly as he elbowed Arnold into the mass of bodies. All of them let him through, but none without casting him a dirty look.

None could match the scowl that Helga offered him as she brushed her hair back from running around the bases, her crown of roses attached to her veil hanging from her waist rather than resting on her head. He swallowed a lump in his throat, but had to admit that she truly looked better with the veil on her head. She crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you want, Arnold?" she sneered.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and tugged at his collar, "I'd just like to talk."

She shrugged, "So talk."

His eyes swept around the circle of corpses that had gathered around him, hovering like vultures over a dying cow. Normally he would have smiled at the irony, but he was too nervous to do so. "Can we speak somewhere privately."

She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "No."

Arnold heaved a sigh. Gerald had been right. She was going to go out of her way to embarrass him publicly. He'd just have to buckle under and accept whatever she threw at him. "I'd like to apologize for what I said in the tower."

Helga shrugged, "Ok, anything else?"

He frowned. He had been hoping she'd have more to say than that. "I didn't mean it the way that it sounded. It's just…I was engaged to Lila before…we happened. I don't even know if our marriage is legitimate. I mean what if it isn't?"

"What if it is?" she challenged.

"Well I have a proposition to make, if you're interested."

She glanced at Phoebe, who shrugged casually. Her eyes fell on Gerald, who nodded enthusiastically. Finally, she sighed, "Fine, what's the proposition."

"We have someone look into our marriage." He stated matter-of-factly. "See if it's a legitimate marriage or not. If it's not, I go back to the land of the living."

"And if it _is_?" she snarled.

"If it is, I'll stay here and honor my commitment." He answered. "And I'll make an honest effort in our relationship until we find out."

Helga frowned. His offer was better than anything she had expected and his apology was sincere. Still, what if he was right? What if he left her? It was silly, but since she had met him she'd felt so…alive. He was everything she wasn't, but in a way that complimented her rather than took away, and she had a feeling that she could have the same effect on him, given the chance. She swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded, "You've got yourself a deal, Arnold."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Arnold laughed as Helga finished off her story. She was far funnier than he ever would have imagined. She was witty and bright and would make him smile without even trying. Phoebe was busy searching for technicalities in their marriage, but the more time he spent with Helga the less time he thought about who Phoebe's research would be benefiting.

Then…he saw a familiar figure. He excused himself and Helga nodded, watching him warily as he dashed off. Once she saw that he had joined a new corpse -a male corpse- she relaxed and returned to sharing stories with Gerald and some of their other friends.

"Ernie!" Arnold exclaimed as he approached his pararent's coach driver. He had seen Ernie just the day before he had ended up in the land of the dead. He must have gotten there the same way Arnold had.

Or at least that was what he had thought. When Ernie turned around, his skin was sunken and he was clearly among the dead now. "Oh no, Ernie, not you."

Ernie laughed and stretched his arms over his head, "Are you kidding, Arnold? I feel great. Better than I've felt in years."

Arnold frowned, unsure of how to respond to that. "Everyone's been worried sick about you though."

"How is everyone?"

Ernie shrugged, "There fine. Lila's getting married this weekend still."

"Married?" Arnold said a bit louder than he had meant to. "To who?"

"Some Lord Wolfgang. Your mom and dad are still looking for you though. Everyone thinks you're dead."

Arnold swallowed a lump in his throat. His eyes fell on Helga, who offered him a sweet smile and a slight wave. He smiled and waved back. He felt so torn. He wanted Phoebe to hurry and prove that his and Helga's wedding was, in fact, illegitimate, but at the same time…he didn't think he'd mind if Phoebe took her time.

**Hey friends! I know one of you was looking forward to the piano scene…yeah I'm sorry there wasn't a piano scene. I thought the head wack game was a bit more fitting in the Hey Arnold world. Head wack is basically just baseball played with severed heads. I mean who **_**wouldn't **_**want to play baseball with severed heads? Also, I'll be going on a bit of a haitus for NaNoWriMo. That's right, I'm participating so wish me luck. If I'll try and get to this before the end of November. Wish me luck! And don't forget to review. Love yall. **


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